For Shana

I have a couple assignments I need to be doing right now, but they're not fun, so I thought I'd write a post. I'm trying to figure out a fun way for me to write about the silly boys in my life without saying things that I end up regretting. The thing about boys and me is that my opinions of them change dramatically and suddenly based on how I think they feel about me. I'm not proud of it, but its true. So anytime I write anything about them, I later think, "why'd I write that, that's not at all how I feel." So I guess its just not a good thing to write about. But I do feel safe in saying that I hung out with Adam last night(the guy who upset me lin "Not Sad Anymore"), and he's neither as shallow as I thought he might be, nor as fun as I thought. So he is interested in a real relationship eventually, but I don't think we really click. I think I'll hang out with him again though.
I think there should be strict dating behavior rules, that everybody is taught, so that I can just know how boys feel about me. Then I wouldn't have to change my mind about how I feel about them, because I would have just known how to feel from the beginning.

Happy Christmas Season

Thought I'd post a quick bit about what's up with me lately. I've been pretty busy with school the past couple weeks, and it will probably stay that way through the end of the semester. I need to write a paper on how the music of India has influenced American Pop Music. If anyone has examples, please share them. I hate writing papers. Hopefully I never have to write another after this one. I think that's a reasonable hope, given my major (Computer Science) but I need to figure out how to get one last gen ed requirement waived before I can be certain that I'm free from paper hell. Anyway, it's going to be a stressful couple of weeks, but I'm feeling really happy because it's Christmas time. It's such a fun, pretty, peaceful (in a way) month. So life is good.
As an update on the boy situation, I decided to definitely not get back together with Matt, and that never speaking to him was the right decision. But somehow, briefly entertaining the idea and discussing it with him has given me more closure on the relationship than ever before. I know for sure now that I don't want him in my life. At all. So I have a couple ideas for alternative sources of boy drama (a necessity in my life). I'll just have to wait and see if any of those sources are actually interested in me. Merry Christmas!

The Farthest Distance I've Ever Known

Like any functional person, I try to avoid seeing myself as a multiple-personality case. But sometimes this is hard. You see I have feelings about people and things that are completely inconsistent with my thoughts about those same people and things. So what happens is I end up fighting with myself and never coming to any conclusion about what I really want. Sometimes something feels wrong, but I think its right, and sometimes its that something feels really right, but my brain is sure its wrong. This type of self-conflict characterizes my feelings about the church, and about a certain well-known relationship. In general I'm a pretty logical person, so I think I've mostly chosen to listen to my head in the past. This post is an announcement that I am departing from that strategy. I'm going to really try to ignore some of my thoughts and just do what I feel right about. Please note that I'm not doing what feels good, or what seems fun, I'm doing what genuinely feels right. So if you disagree with my actions in regards to the relationship (as I assume anyone who knows the story would), please remember that this same course of action is the reason I go to church. And for now, I'm really happy with both decisions.

Not Sad Anymore

I'd like to update you all, that I am no longer feeling bad about my life. I had a dumb thing happen with a boy (he's pretty dumb), but we've worked it out and I think I've forgiven him (he's pretty cute). Other good stuff happened too, such as:

1. I am an amazing student. I hated school last time I went and didn't do all that well. For some reason, this semester is going great. I love my classes and my teachers and I'm doing very well.

2. I have great friends. They make me laugh and I love everything about them.

3. This is weird, but I'd like to give a shout out to my Bishop. He's fantastic. It makes a difference to have somebody care, and he does a great job of it. He's super patient with me, and gives perfect advice.

So I'm sorry that I wasn't able to have a little more perspective last week. Life really is good.

It's been so long!

Everyone has been telling that it's been way too long since I posted, and so I will disappoint my readers no longer. The thing is, that nothing is going on with me. I'm desperately bored. There's nothing worse to me than feeling like you have nothing to be excited about. Nothing's changed in my life, it's always been boring, but suddenly I feel like I can't take it anymore. So I'm going to try to become a more interesting person. I'm going to look into getting a new job (as a tutor), taking guitar lessons, moving out of my brother's house, maybe even dating someone. But for some reason, it all seems hard right now. I guess this post is just to make other people feel better about their own lives. Mine's pathetic.

Rescue Dawn

This past week I went to the movie Rescue Dawn and I would like to recommend it to everyone. It is in limited release, so if you want to wait until its on video, I will permit it. But if you're currently going through any life struggles, I'd say see it as soon as possible.

The movie is based on the real-life events of a man (Dieter Dengler) who was shot down over Laos in 1966 and subsequently held in a prison camp. The way he approaches this problem is really inspiring. Chances are that I will never be in a life or death situation where I am forced to use my ingenuity to find a way to escape, but if I was, I hope I would be like Dangler. And its very easy to see how the qualities of determination, craftiness, leadership, and just a will to survive, can transform any challenge into an opportunity to succeed.

Watching this movie inspired me to see problems not as situations to endure, but as prisons from which you can escape. You figure out how to fix things, you make a detailed plan, and then you keep trying until you're out. So what I'm saying is, go see Rescue Dawn.

The Inner Voice

Just to update people on my life, I gave two weeks notice at Mimi's cafe this week. I was really tempted to just quit, but decided to go with the more responsible thing, and gave two weeks. I had been thinking about quiting sometime soon because its a lot to manage to have two jobs and go to school, but I felt sort of bad about it because when I was hired I had told them I would be able to work through the school year. Then a funny thing happened. I got in like a petty fight with my boss. This is something that's never happened to me. Make-out with my boss; yes, but fight with them, never. As fights go, it wasn't really too exciting. But the interesting thing was, that it made me completely hate the job. What I realized though was that I'd always sort of hated it, but had been lying to myself about it. I'm really good at lying to myself. I have a whole system which I would like to share.

When I was younger I had some pretty serious problems with anxiety and depression. When I went to college the problem sort of peaked until I found that I really couldn't stand myself. Through a combination of therapy, talks with family, and just thinking about it myself, I came up with a very successful cure for myself. See the problem was that I had very high standards for myself, so when I had successes, or achievements, I didn't celebrate them, because I figured, "of course I could do that, its only what's expected of me." But when I didn't meet my standards, it was devastating. I was really hard on myself and would look back on why I wasn't able to do whatever amazing thing I thought should be easy for me, and blame different characteristics of my personality and tell myself how dumb, or lazy, or weak, or careless, or spacey, I was. The dialogue I had with myself was extremely negative. So here's the cure: stop saying mean things to myself. Be as nice to myself inside my head, as I would be to anyone else. I can still look critically at my performance, but I have to be gentle in the way I address areas for improvement. And I need to congratulate myself for the things I do well. So I've found that by complimenting myself during tasks that I don't naturally enjoy or feel comfortable with, I can fool myself into thinking that I actually like them. It's never a complete illusion, but I can at least endure most anything.

Since I'm recommending this program, let me explain a more relevant way to use it. Pick something you dislike about yourself. For the example I'm going to use messiness. I've been really messy lately and it's something I'd really like to work on. So I have a belief that I'm a messy person (right now, not always). What I'm going to do is start noticing all the times that I do clean things. It doesn't happen all that often, but every now and then, I find I put my clothes in the hamper right when I take them off. What I will do is make a big deal of these occasions in my mind. I'll tell myself how wonderful it was, and how good I should feel about myself for doing the clean thing. When your just starting the program, it helps to assign a time interval during which your going to notice at least one positive thing about yourself. So every hour when I'm home, I'll think of one clean thing I did recently. Maybe not everyone is as manipulatable as I am, but for me, as I realize all the clean things I do, I start to change my belief that I'm a messy person. And then, almost magically, I won't be a messy person anymore. Please try it.

Funny Movie

I realize that most of my readers don't watch R rated movies, but for any who do, I'd like to recommend Superbad. We laughed the whole time. Very quotable.

Our Trip

Last week, Brent, Melissa, and I went to California. We had a stupendous time. Please allow me to share the following highlights.

We arrived late Friday night. We stayed with one of Melissa's friends from the place she worked when they lived there. Her name is Sarah, she lives in Playa Del Rey and she was a great host. Saturday we went to a work party for Melissa's old job and then we went shopping.

Highlight 1: How I became a criminal mastermind: We were at Century City which is an outdoor mall with a good mix of affordable and luxury stores. I went into a store that nobody else was interested in (Zara) and immediately found a really cute shirt. When I noticed that everyone else was just waiting for me outside the door, I went to the door to tell them that they could go on and I'd meet them later. I tried to be careful to not get too close to the door, but I managed to set off the alarm anyway. It went off for awhile, as if the store employees had no idea how to handle the situation. I just ignored it and picked up a few other items to take with me to the dressing room. There wasn't a bench or anything in the dressing room, so when I tried on a sweater that I didn't like, I balanced it on the top of a shopping bag I had from a previous store. I didn't end up really liking any of the clothes I tried on so I left the store. Days later I found the sweater in with my other purchases. It had fallen into the bag I sat it on. Apparently they had turned off the alarm system after I set it off earlier, so I was able to walk out of the store with no problems, just ten minutes later. I out smarted the system! Unfortunately, though I have no interest in wearing the item I stole, I also have no way of returning it. If anyone is going to LA soon and would like to return my stolen merchandise, please let me know.

That night we went to a really good restaurant called Whaler or Whalers. I had a seafood combo plate because I wanted to try swordfish, but not commit to it. Swordfish is not as good as other fish. It was a little tough. I also had whole little octopus for the first time. They were fine, but actually prefer the calamari at Mimi's (which I recommend). I say the restaurant was really good because I liked the atmosphere, and the salmon in my combo was maybe the best I've ever had.

The next day we went to the Aquarium of the Pacific which was pretty cool. I'd never been to a real aquarium (the one in Salt Lake is a make-believe aquarium), so it was an interesting experience. The ocean is full of freaky things. They had sea-lions and seals, and sea-otters which were all kind of cool. There were also some smallish sharks and a presentation about how you don't need to be afraid of sharks, they don't like to eat people (lies, I tell you). The best part was a display of Lorikeets which are a type of parrot that for some reason have no fear of people. They'd land on your head or outstretched arm. I'll put in a picture of them soon. There were also some cool diving birds that I took some video of. Hopefully I'll be able to post it too. Overall, the aquarium was not as impressive as some I've seen in movies.

On Monday we drove up north of Santa Barbara and went wine tasting. I wasn't feeling well, so I didn't actually have much wine, but the vineyards were beautiful. We had dinner in Santa Barbara and went to the Bourne Ultimatum. I'm not a fan of the Bourne movies, but the theater was cool. It only had one screen, but it was like 4 times the size of a regular theater. Santa Barbara seems like a great place to live. It wasn't too hot, or too crowded, plus it had a cool mall, some good restaurants and a generally cool feel.

On Tuesday we went to the Dockweiler State Beach. I hadn't been there before because it seemed to have a reputation as a ghetto beach (it's right under LAX so you hear the planes), but it turned out to be my best day at the beach ever.

Highlight 2: How I was almost killed by a shark: When we first got there I got in the water and jumped waves for a little while, but then I decided to try swimming out a little farther to see how much less wavy it got when it got deeper. Brent came with me somewhat hesitantly, but we were having a good time and had swam out far enough that the life guard had started watching us vigilantly. The waves do indeed seem a little smaller where it's deeper, but not significantly so. So we're just swimming along about 500 yards from the beach (I made this calculation based on satellite photos) when I see a large dark dorsal fin very close to us. It was between 10 and 20 yards away. I'm a naturally skeptical person, so I tried to think of some explanation other than that I was about to be eaten by a shark. I thought maybe it was fake, or maybe it was a dolphin, but judging from the size, shape, and color, it definitely looked like a shark. After pointing it out to Brent, we immediately turned around and swam our very fastest back to shore. We didn't look back. When we got to the beach the life guard told us not to go out that far, but he hadn't seen the fin. Not wanting to look like a crazy person, I didn't say anything to him about it, and just assumed that even though it looked like a shark, it probably wasn't.

It took a little while to catch my breath and calm down, but I was in the water again soon. Brent was still sort of scared to death for awhile, but he eventually recovered too. We played around in the surf for awhile and then we went for a walk to some rocks that form like a natural (maybe) little pier. On the other side of the rocks there was a pod of dolphins! Some were very close to the shore (within 10 yards). There were at least five, maybe 10 of them. Mostly you could just see there for a second as the dove along, but every now and then one would jump farther out of the water. It was really cool. It was also somewhat of a relief that what we had been so close to earlier, was almost definitely one of the dolphins. But here are the reasons I still doubt:
1. The back of the animal seemed flat, not curved like the dolphins
2. It was huge! I'm sure they seem bigger up close like that, but seriously if it was a dolphin, it was like world's biggest
3. The dolphin fins never stayed above water for more than just a moment. What we saw was sitting still on the surface for at least long enough for me to point it out to Brent. It's easy to recognize the diving of dolphins, this thing wasn't diving.
4. It was alone, or at least we only saw one of them. The dolphins we saw were always swimming in tandem - you'd see one fin, and then another right behind it.

I looked up information about sharks in the area later in the day, and could find no reports of shark sightings or dolphin sightings at Dockweiler, although there are reports of dolphins at Manhattan Beach which is very close. There have been sharks seen at beaches at Malibu and Will Rogers (about 5 miles north). So its possible right?

Anyway, the other fun thing was that around the rocks there were tidal pools with sea creatures. Brent caught a hermit crab which we then released only to have it eaten moments later by a seagull. It put up a good fight, but was no match in the end. The seagull ate it whole, shell and all.

So it was a great day, and a great end to our trip. We drove back yesterday and got home late last night. We stopped in Vegas which I was even less impressed with than ever. Why do people go there? I got really sick Tuesday night and still feel awful. It's just a cold but I've never felt more disabled by a sore throat and stuffed nose. Hopefully no one else gets it. I have to work at Mimi's tonight though, so I could potentially spread it to all sorts of people!

I Like My Job?

I was forced to take a last week off from my job at the postal service. The reason for this is illogical, so there is no point trying to explain it. It has something to do with being a transitional employee. This is one of the many dehumanizing things about my job at the postal service that make most people in my position dislike the position. I however, love my job. When I am told I have to work 12 hours on Christmas Eve, or when I'm sent home after 2 hours on a day when I have nothing else to do, I like to appreciate how efficiently the postal service runs. I've made this sound like I'm being bitterly sarcastic, but the truth of the matter is, I really respect the way they do things. The postal service is subsidized by tax dollars, and I'd like you all to know, that at my facility, your money is being well managed. If there is mail to key, I work until its keyed. If there is no mail, I don't work. This really isn't what I meant to talk about but now that I am, I think I'll finish. I think it would be easy to think that because we're part of the federal government we're wasteful and not motivated by market factors. This isn't true. We are in competition with other REC (Remote Encoding Center) facilities in the country. A poster is made each week showing how we compare in keying speed, idle time, and most importantly, cost per 1000 pieces. When a facility is too expensive, it is closed and the mail that was keyed there is sent to one of the cheaper facilities. In the past year, two RECs were closed, leaving just seven RECs in the country, of which the SLC REC is by far the largest. One of my favorite things management does to save money is not communicate with the employees. There are almost never any meetings, performance reviews, or parties. Everyday is exactly like the previous one. I go, I type, I come home. And I love it. Some other time I'll go into why this really is, which is what I intended to write about here, but got side tracked. Sorry.

Review: Science of Sleep

Do Not Watch This Movie. It is not good. You will not like it. The only way you could like it is if you're like that guy in Momento and you've lost your short term memory. If that is the case, you're probably used to having no idea what is going on in a movie, and will not mind it in this one. If on the other hand, you prefer movies where the scenes flow in such a way that you are able to form them into a coherent story, my original advice stands.

The thing that really bothers me about this movie is that they try to pass off the poor editing as artistic, or part of the story. In the film, the main character has trouble determining what is reality and what isn't. Because of the way the film is edited, you also aren't sure what happened in the film. But this doesn't make it interesting, it makes it bad.

Blog Shirt

I was shopping today with Brent and Melissa and we found a hideous shirt that matched my blog. So we took pictures!

Before I Die

The other day on Ellen, they reran an episode which was recorded in Central Park in front of 10,000 people. Ellen said that doing an episode in Central Park for 10,000 had been on her list of things she wanted to do before she died and she congratulated herself on accomplishing her goal. This of course, made me wonder what things I have on my to do list.

I was raised to believe strongly in goal setting. I love setting goals. I've set so many goals in my life, its crazy. And I've even accomplished some of them. But the goals that I was taught to set are boring compared to Ellen's goal. I try to be a kinder, more responsible, more attractive person. I make goals to keep my room clean, or to be on time to work. Important things, but not very exciting. I don't know if I've ever set a fun goal. So I decided to try it. Here's my list of life experiences I want to have before I die:

• Spend at least one continuous month outside of the United States
• See Paris
• Spend some time in Venice
• Win a race
• Have a baby
  
• Publish something

That's all I have for now, but I'm sure Ellen didn't start out with the Central Park thing on her list. Hopefully in five years I'll be able to add some more amazing things to mine.

I'm Alive

Have you ever read Dandelion Wine? It's not really that great, except for two things:

• It has a great sense of nostalgia, and does a great job of recalling the wonder of childhood.
• The first or second chapter has a beautiful passage where the boy (young Ray Bradbury) is playing outside on a lovely day in early summer and all of the sudden he discovers self-awareness and declares "I'm really alive!

The second thing is what I want to talk about. I love the idea of appreciating life like that. It reminds me of a time in high school when Brent's friend was depressed and asked him what there was to be happy about in life. He told her that she should be happy because she was a child of God and she responded, "but everyone is." I don't know what he said to her then, but when he told me about the conversation I said, "yeah, everyone is a child of God, but the thing to be happy about is that you know you're a child of God." It is the awareness of it that makes the thing special. Being alive is a mixed bag, but being aware of your aliveness always feels great.

There was a storm tonight, which is pretty rare in these parts. I sat outside and watched the lightening and felt that cool feeling when the air is just barely colder than comfortable, so that your body doesn't habituate to it and you become completely aware that your skin is touching the world. I love that I'm a part of the world and that I get to have a piece of the human experience. Sometimes in the back of my mind I question if my life has enough of a purpose. Sitting outside I tonight, I thought that just being alive is enough.

Sorry that I'm not a better writer and can't express these thoughts without melodrama.

Greatest Books of All Time

Since I read a lot of books, I'm always interested in other peoples' recommendations. I came across this list which I thought was interesting. I currently have read nine of the 100 books. Of the top 10, I have completed three, and attempted and failed with three others. Following the advice of the list, I recently read Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh (a man). The best thing about the book is the use of language. The writing is some of the best I've ever read. Just reading random sentences from it is fun because Waugh is amazing at creating original metaphors. It also has some interesting thoughts on religion, social duty, and relationships.

The Island

I watched The Island today. It's directed by the same person (Michael Bay) who did Transformers, and I had assumed, incorrectly, Con Air. It has some great scenes of wanton destruction that reminded me of that movie. Its one of those movies where you have to ignore all of the improbable or impossible events in order to enjoy it, but if you are able to do that, this is a really fun movie. It's just a bit too long, but totally worth watching.

Thou Shalt Not Lie

In memory of Ms. Bodily, who is not dead.

Back in high school I read a short story called Miss Brill. It's pretty short, so if you want to read it quick, click the link. Otherwise, I'll summarize that its about an old lady who dresses up and goes to the park every Sunday afternoon. She sits and listens to other peoples conversations and imagines herself to be an integral part of the scene until she overhears a young couple laughing at her appearance and insinuating that she's just in the way.

The story suggests that it is very easy to imagine an alternate reality where life is a little more the way we wish it was, but by focusing only on our ideal world, we isolate ourselves from the real world. I thought of this story because I've been sort of falling into my imagination lately. I've always done a lot of imaging about the future and about what people are thinking about me. My current life doesn't offer enough excitement so I fantasize that someday I'll have a real job, or an acceptable boyfriend. I even fantasize that people read my blog. I've done this sort of thing since I was very young and I think I do a pretty good job of keeping a grip on reality. The danger is though, that if I am too comfortable with my fantasies, I don't focus enough on making reality comfortable. So maybe I should be cleaning my room instead of writing this. Good night adoring readers!

The Five Best Things About Lists

1. No writing skills necessary: you don't need sentence structure, transitions, even punctuation is superfluous!
2. They help you to remember things. Even if you don't actually write the list, just think of a group of things as a list and give them each a number. Try it!
3. Helps you organize your thoughts quickly.
4. They're very useful in prioritizing
5. They help me get things done

Because i am famously distractable I use lists to keep me on track for getting the things I need to done. I developed a method for cutting my shower time from 20 minutes to five minutes simply by always keeping a list in my head of what I need to do next. I call it the 1-2-3 method. I keep a running list of the next three things I need to do. As I complete one task, I add a new task to the end of the list. I find the method works well for accomplishing any thing you either might rather not do, or just get distracted from doing quickly. I love little behavioral modification tricks like this because they make me feel like a well-managed problem child. Which is much better than feeling like an unmanaged problem child.

Movie Review and a Book Too!

Tonight I saw Evening. It was not a good movie, but I really enjoyed it. The story didn't really add up to anything, but it wasn't boring and there were parts that had an emotional impact. If you are female and don't expect too much from it, I bet you'll like it. I'm kind of a sucker for frame stories where we see a character now and in the past. This movie is trying to say something about the meaning of life which is a little too ambitious, but I'm glad it tried.

Earlier today I completed an abridged recording of DH Lawrence's Sons and Lovers. It was published in 1913 when the author was still in his 20's. The writing was excellent but what I was particularly impressed by was how relatable the whole thing was. The book is about a son's relationships first with his mother, and later with a couple of women. The first part is far more interesting. Lawrence does a great job explaining how a marriage goes bad, how the mother comes to have an unhealthy reliance on her son, and how the son balances (or fails to balance) his mother's needs with his own. I just decided to develop a somewhat complex rating system for books involving three parts: use of language, story, and emotional impact. All categories are on a ten point scale. I give this book a 9, 7, 5 and recommend it to panyone who appreciates excellent character development.

Movie Reviews: Maria Full of Grace, 1408, Dark Water (Japanese Version)

I've seen a few movies lately that I thought I'd write a quick note about.

Maria Full of Grace: I really enjoyed this movie. It's a Spanish language film, (although the director is American) about a Columbian girl who becomes a drug mule. I thought the movie did a great job of giving you a sense of what life in South America is like and of making the drug trade seem human without being too sympathetic. The characters are very well developed and the story was engaging. Don't do drugs.

Dark Water (Japanese Version): Not the greatest. Scary, but for most of the movie, only in a manipulative way. Great acting. Not enough really happened.

1408: I have to confess that I didn't really watch all of this movie because there were many times when I had to hide my face in my sweater. I was really scared. Its adapted from a short story so in order to stretch it out a little and to add a little meaningfulness, the main character was given a dead child and an estranged wife. I liked this background story and I think its possible that the movie was trying to say something about faith and hope. Since its not completely clear what it was trying to say, I guess it didn't do a great job with that, but I still liked that it tried. Good, but not great stuff.

Did I get prettier?

Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror? If you're like me your answer has little to do with your general appearance, but rather is dependent on how recently you took a shower and whether or not you've done your hair. I really don't think that an individual can determine their own attractiveness based on what they see in the mirror. You've been looking at yourself for so long that you can only judge your relative appearance- but not relative to the general population, simply relative to your appearance the day before. While you can rapidly identify if your eyes are slightly puffier than normal, a mirror can't tell you how attractive you are.

So instead, we must rely on the comments and reactions our appearance receives from others. If you happen to be surrounded by people who make effusive compliments, chances are you'll think you're pretty hot. And we've all heard about oblivious husbands who make their wives feel ugly just because they don't notice the new highlights or the professionally shaped eyebrows. People need external cues in order to know they are attractive. The problem is determining how various cues should be interpreted. Obviously a compliment from your grandmother about how great you look in the sweater she knitted you should be given less weight. But how do you interpret more bizarre feedback like strangers staring at you, or walmart employees asking you out? It could be that you're amazingly hot, but is it more likely that you just have something on your face, or for some reason you seem really easy?

I've recently had a rash of strange cues about my appearance. In the last two weeks I've had two complete strangers stop me to tell me how pretty I was. I've also been hit on every time I went to the library (twice). Two of the cooks at Mimi's ask me out every time I work. And lastly, there was the walmart employee. These experiences have caused me to wonder if I've suddenly become more attractive or if somehow I've started sending out vibes of desperation. Really I think all of these experiences can be easily explained away, and they've made my life more interesting though also more awkward.

I think the real problem is that I try to interpret every experience as a comment on my appearance. I think if you are looking, you can find evidence to support any belief you have about your own attractiveness. The study of your own attractiveness will inevitably be marred by bias. So what's the point? I'm pretty sure that everyone's life is optimized by a belief that they are reasonably, though not exceptionally, attractive. Plus, such a belief will motivate you to shower and do your hair. But whether or not this belief is grossly false, everyone's appearance is improved by modest confidence.

Thou Shalt Not Judge

But sometimes you have to, right? No matter how open minded you are, when it comes to deciding who you will date, I think you have to set some boundaries. In some cases you can justify your judgments by saying "that person just isn't my type" but other times, I think its okay to admit that you're too good for some people. My question though is how narrow you can be in your preconceived standards with out being either a snob or a gold-digger.

I guess I should start by evaluating the reasons for dating. I think there are two main reasons to go out with someone; first because you enjoy spending time with them, and secondly, because you see a potential relationship. I can definitely have fun on a first or even a second date with someone who I don't see as boyfriend material. But I've had problems with not being good at ending these casual dating situations without doing uncasual things. So I recently decided that there's no reason for me to go out with people who I don't want to date. I don't like breaking up with people and the fun is usually outweighed by the awkwardness. I think the main reason I go out with people I wouldn't seriously date is not because I think it will be fun, but just for an ego boost. It feels good to have a person tell me they thought I was attractive and interesting enough to go out with even if I don't think they are attractive or interesting enough to really date. This probably qualifies as using people and is also a bit snobby, so I think its time I put an end to the practice.

But spending some awkward time with a person who I don't think is good enough for me, is not the only danger. I've also had the unfortunate experience of actually falling in love with a person who I could not ultimately respect as my equal. So in my quest to not go out with people unless I could see myself dating them, I've identified three key elements which must be present in order for me to give out my number. These elements are:

1. Good looks: Sadly, it matters. And even more disappointingly I've found that I don't become attracted to people just because I like them. So call me superficial, but unless you're good looking, I'm not interested.

2. Graduated (or approaching graduation) from a respectable university: I like smart people. And though there are plenty of intelligent people who didn't go to college, I also value education. A lot. In addition, I expect the people I talk to to have a working knowledge of literature, psychology, physical science, and history. Though there may be some exceptional people (I know of one) who have somehow acquired this knowledge without college, I'm not willing to take the chance. Be cool, stay in school.

3. Reasonable financially security: I don't expect to marry money. But I simply have no interest in a future of financial stress. I'm fine with taking care of myself, I'd be happy to continue to do so for the rest of my life. So if I decide to marry, its going to be because I want a family. And if I want to have kids, I'm going to want to spend time with them. I've thought a lot about it and I don't see anyway to raise my kids the way I want to without being a stay at home mom. Also, I think that one of the main factors in how enjoyable one finds motherhood to be, is whether you have enough money. Kids are a lot of fun when you can buy them cute clothes, take them fun places, and take plenty of breaks from them. So I need a man with a job. The amount of money he makes is actually less important than the stability of his job. An extremely well qualified candidate will have a 6-figure earning potential in a robust and growing field. However, a candidate can compensate for a slightly lower income with a particularly strong rating in either one of the other two major requirements or with greatness in one of the following secondary elements: sweetness, confidence, social competence, humor, general coolness, and possession of either great furniture or a motorcycle.

So is it too much to ask? I don't know, but for a long-term relationship I don't see myself compromising on these things. I'm really okay with being single. But at the same time, I wonder if I'm being stuck up. I genuinely feel bad when I make the decision not to go out with a person who has some good qualities but is lacking one or more of the major elements. It is my position that being harsh upfront saves both me and rejected suitors from what I see as the inevitable pain and awkwardness of a short-lived relationship. Imaginary readers: Please give me your feedback.

Like a Virgin - My First Post

Well! I'm not really sure why I just registered a blog name since I don't have friends who will be interested. But maybe the reason I don't have friends is that people shun me for not having a blog. And since my main aim in life is to avoid the shunning, I will jump on the band wagon.
Also I really like writing and maybe this will help me to be better at it.

As this is an inaugural post, I feel like I should say something profound, but that might mislead my imaginary audience into thinking that I will regularly write profoundly. This will not be the case. I plan to write about what I think about which includes (and this list is all inclusive) : sex, boys, movies, books, and general human interactions. I guess a good way to begin the blog would be to make a general statement about my recent thoughts on each of the topics that will be covered. Here we go.

Sex: I really like sex but lately I've been thinking about how it really is only good if you actually like the person with whom you are participating. It's just like going to dinner - even if the food's good, the experience is ruined if you don't like the company.

Boys: Its amazing how much more attractive a person becomes when you find out they might have a stable future. I met a guy at work who I totally wrote off because he was dressed as a cook. I then found out he's actually a manager trainee and as it turns out, completely out of my league.

Movies: The most recent movie I watched was Breach. It was not terribly interesting. The exciting part never happened.

Books: I listen to books on tape at work at the rate of 2-3 books a week. I just completed Dangerous Liaisons which was well written but not marvelously insightful. My main thought was that the book was surprisingly scandalous for being written in like 1782.

General Human Interaction: I like it!