Thou Shalt Not Judge

But sometimes you have to, right? No matter how open minded you are, when it comes to deciding who you will date, I think you have to set some boundaries. In some cases you can justify your judgments by saying "that person just isn't my type" but other times, I think its okay to admit that you're too good for some people. My question though is how narrow you can be in your preconceived standards with out being either a snob or a gold-digger.

I guess I should start by evaluating the reasons for dating. I think there are two main reasons to go out with someone; first because you enjoy spending time with them, and secondly, because you see a potential relationship. I can definitely have fun on a first or even a second date with someone who I don't see as boyfriend material. But I've had problems with not being good at ending these casual dating situations without doing uncasual things. So I recently decided that there's no reason for me to go out with people who I don't want to date. I don't like breaking up with people and the fun is usually outweighed by the awkwardness. I think the main reason I go out with people I wouldn't seriously date is not because I think it will be fun, but just for an ego boost. It feels good to have a person tell me they thought I was attractive and interesting enough to go out with even if I don't think they are attractive or interesting enough to really date. This probably qualifies as using people and is also a bit snobby, so I think its time I put an end to the practice.

But spending some awkward time with a person who I don't think is good enough for me, is not the only danger. I've also had the unfortunate experience of actually falling in love with a person who I could not ultimately respect as my equal. So in my quest to not go out with people unless I could see myself dating them, I've identified three key elements which must be present in order for me to give out my number. These elements are:

1. Good looks: Sadly, it matters. And even more disappointingly I've found that I don't become attracted to people just because I like them. So call me superficial, but unless you're good looking, I'm not interested.

2. Graduated (or approaching graduation) from a respectable university: I like smart people. And though there are plenty of intelligent people who didn't go to college, I also value education. A lot. In addition, I expect the people I talk to to have a working knowledge of literature, psychology, physical science, and history. Though there may be some exceptional people (I know of one) who have somehow acquired this knowledge without college, I'm not willing to take the chance. Be cool, stay in school.

3. Reasonable financially security: I don't expect to marry money. But I simply have no interest in a future of financial stress. I'm fine with taking care of myself, I'd be happy to continue to do so for the rest of my life. So if I decide to marry, its going to be because I want a family. And if I want to have kids, I'm going to want to spend time with them. I've thought a lot about it and I don't see anyway to raise my kids the way I want to without being a stay at home mom. Also, I think that one of the main factors in how enjoyable one finds motherhood to be, is whether you have enough money. Kids are a lot of fun when you can buy them cute clothes, take them fun places, and take plenty of breaks from them. So I need a man with a job. The amount of money he makes is actually less important than the stability of his job. An extremely well qualified candidate will have a 6-figure earning potential in a robust and growing field. However, a candidate can compensate for a slightly lower income with a particularly strong rating in either one of the other two major requirements or with greatness in one of the following secondary elements: sweetness, confidence, social competence, humor, general coolness, and possession of either great furniture or a motorcycle.

So is it too much to ask? I don't know, but for a long-term relationship I don't see myself compromising on these things. I'm really okay with being single. But at the same time, I wonder if I'm being stuck up. I genuinely feel bad when I make the decision not to go out with a person who has some good qualities but is lacking one or more of the major elements. It is my position that being harsh upfront saves both me and rejected suitors from what I see as the inevitable pain and awkwardness of a short-lived relationship. Imaginary readers: Please give me your feedback.