I'm Alive

Have you ever read Dandelion Wine? It's not really that great, except for two things:

• It has a great sense of nostalgia, and does a great job of recalling the wonder of childhood.
• The first or second chapter has a beautiful passage where the boy (young Ray Bradbury) is playing outside on a lovely day in early summer and all of the sudden he discovers self-awareness and declares "I'm really alive!

The second thing is what I want to talk about. I love the idea of appreciating life like that. It reminds me of a time in high school when Brent's friend was depressed and asked him what there was to be happy about in life. He told her that she should be happy because she was a child of God and she responded, "but everyone is." I don't know what he said to her then, but when he told me about the conversation I said, "yeah, everyone is a child of God, but the thing to be happy about is that you know you're a child of God." It is the awareness of it that makes the thing special. Being alive is a mixed bag, but being aware of your aliveness always feels great.

There was a storm tonight, which is pretty rare in these parts. I sat outside and watched the lightening and felt that cool feeling when the air is just barely colder than comfortable, so that your body doesn't habituate to it and you become completely aware that your skin is touching the world. I love that I'm a part of the world and that I get to have a piece of the human experience. Sometimes in the back of my mind I question if my life has enough of a purpose. Sitting outside I tonight, I thought that just being alive is enough.

Sorry that I'm not a better writer and can't express these thoughts without melodrama.