Before I Die

The other day on Ellen, they reran an episode which was recorded in Central Park in front of 10,000 people. Ellen said that doing an episode in Central Park for 10,000 had been on her list of things she wanted to do before she died and she congratulated herself on accomplishing her goal. This of course, made me wonder what things I have on my to do list.

I was raised to believe strongly in goal setting. I love setting goals. I've set so many goals in my life, its crazy. And I've even accomplished some of them. But the goals that I was taught to set are boring compared to Ellen's goal. I try to be a kinder, more responsible, more attractive person. I make goals to keep my room clean, or to be on time to work. Important things, but not very exciting. I don't know if I've ever set a fun goal. So I decided to try it. Here's my list of life experiences I want to have before I die:

• Spend at least one continuous month outside of the United States
• See Paris
• Spend some time in Venice
• Win a race
• Have a baby
  
• Publish something

That's all I have for now, but I'm sure Ellen didn't start out with the Central Park thing on her list. Hopefully in five years I'll be able to add some more amazing things to mine.

I'm Alive

Have you ever read Dandelion Wine? It's not really that great, except for two things:

• It has a great sense of nostalgia, and does a great job of recalling the wonder of childhood.
• The first or second chapter has a beautiful passage where the boy (young Ray Bradbury) is playing outside on a lovely day in early summer and all of the sudden he discovers self-awareness and declares "I'm really alive!

The second thing is what I want to talk about. I love the idea of appreciating life like that. It reminds me of a time in high school when Brent's friend was depressed and asked him what there was to be happy about in life. He told her that she should be happy because she was a child of God and she responded, "but everyone is." I don't know what he said to her then, but when he told me about the conversation I said, "yeah, everyone is a child of God, but the thing to be happy about is that you know you're a child of God." It is the awareness of it that makes the thing special. Being alive is a mixed bag, but being aware of your aliveness always feels great.

There was a storm tonight, which is pretty rare in these parts. I sat outside and watched the lightening and felt that cool feeling when the air is just barely colder than comfortable, so that your body doesn't habituate to it and you become completely aware that your skin is touching the world. I love that I'm a part of the world and that I get to have a piece of the human experience. Sometimes in the back of my mind I question if my life has enough of a purpose. Sitting outside I tonight, I thought that just being alive is enough.

Sorry that I'm not a better writer and can't express these thoughts without melodrama.

Greatest Books of All Time

Since I read a lot of books, I'm always interested in other peoples' recommendations. I came across this list which I thought was interesting. I currently have read nine of the 100 books. Of the top 10, I have completed three, and attempted and failed with three others. Following the advice of the list, I recently read Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh (a man). The best thing about the book is the use of language. The writing is some of the best I've ever read. Just reading random sentences from it is fun because Waugh is amazing at creating original metaphors. It also has some interesting thoughts on religion, social duty, and relationships.

The Island

I watched The Island today. It's directed by the same person (Michael Bay) who did Transformers, and I had assumed, incorrectly, Con Air. It has some great scenes of wanton destruction that reminded me of that movie. Its one of those movies where you have to ignore all of the improbable or impossible events in order to enjoy it, but if you are able to do that, this is a really fun movie. It's just a bit too long, but totally worth watching.

Thou Shalt Not Lie

In memory of Ms. Bodily, who is not dead.

Back in high school I read a short story called Miss Brill. It's pretty short, so if you want to read it quick, click the link. Otherwise, I'll summarize that its about an old lady who dresses up and goes to the park every Sunday afternoon. She sits and listens to other peoples conversations and imagines herself to be an integral part of the scene until she overhears a young couple laughing at her appearance and insinuating that she's just in the way.

The story suggests that it is very easy to imagine an alternate reality where life is a little more the way we wish it was, but by focusing only on our ideal world, we isolate ourselves from the real world. I thought of this story because I've been sort of falling into my imagination lately. I've always done a lot of imaging about the future and about what people are thinking about me. My current life doesn't offer enough excitement so I fantasize that someday I'll have a real job, or an acceptable boyfriend. I even fantasize that people read my blog. I've done this sort of thing since I was very young and I think I do a pretty good job of keeping a grip on reality. The danger is though, that if I am too comfortable with my fantasies, I don't focus enough on making reality comfortable. So maybe I should be cleaning my room instead of writing this. Good night adoring readers!

The Five Best Things About Lists

1. No writing skills necessary: you don't need sentence structure, transitions, even punctuation is superfluous!
2. They help you to remember things. Even if you don't actually write the list, just think of a group of things as a list and give them each a number. Try it!
3. Helps you organize your thoughts quickly.
4. They're very useful in prioritizing
5. They help me get things done

Because i am famously distractable I use lists to keep me on track for getting the things I need to done. I developed a method for cutting my shower time from 20 minutes to five minutes simply by always keeping a list in my head of what I need to do next. I call it the 1-2-3 method. I keep a running list of the next three things I need to do. As I complete one task, I add a new task to the end of the list. I find the method works well for accomplishing any thing you either might rather not do, or just get distracted from doing quickly. I love little behavioral modification tricks like this because they make me feel like a well-managed problem child. Which is much better than feeling like an unmanaged problem child.

Movie Review and a Book Too!

Tonight I saw Evening. It was not a good movie, but I really enjoyed it. The story didn't really add up to anything, but it wasn't boring and there were parts that had an emotional impact. If you are female and don't expect too much from it, I bet you'll like it. I'm kind of a sucker for frame stories where we see a character now and in the past. This movie is trying to say something about the meaning of life which is a little too ambitious, but I'm glad it tried.

Earlier today I completed an abridged recording of DH Lawrence's Sons and Lovers. It was published in 1913 when the author was still in his 20's. The writing was excellent but what I was particularly impressed by was how relatable the whole thing was. The book is about a son's relationships first with his mother, and later with a couple of women. The first part is far more interesting. Lawrence does a great job explaining how a marriage goes bad, how the mother comes to have an unhealthy reliance on her son, and how the son balances (or fails to balance) his mother's needs with his own. I just decided to develop a somewhat complex rating system for books involving three parts: use of language, story, and emotional impact. All categories are on a ten point scale. I give this book a 9, 7, 5 and recommend it to panyone who appreciates excellent character development.